4am

I go to sleep
guilt free
Oblivious
every single time
I turn out the light
Unaware of the
Impending eruption

4am
Every time
I’m shaken awake
By guilty self-inflicted aftershocks memories
of money spent, booze drank, words said, or unsaid
drenched in shame left to question
Why am I more completely
Myself at 4am?

What if 4am me
Was always awake?
I wouldn’t have bought
That seven dollar juice
For my kids or those
Pink socks which promised
To make me a better runner.

4am me would never have
Drank that last glass of wine
Aware it would erase the rest
Of the night And
She would always know
The right thing to say
especially to that guy I
should have told
To fuck off.

It all seems so obvious
When I’m 4am me.

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2 thoughts on “4am”

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