I Believed

I believed
in the communion of saints
the forgiveness of sins
and life ever after

at 6
I watched
Pope John Paul II
on CBC
all day enamoured
sure I was safe in the womb
of what he represented

at 11
I became
this first female
alter server in my parish
proud of my accomplishment
until I realized
it was all I would ever be

A servent
to a gender based god
who I now understand
could never know my heart

If you do what they say
exactly without question
for anything over and over
all you have to do is ask

at 12
I became
priests were just men
who hugged little boys
too tight
who smoked and drank
who compared jesus to star trek
who drove like he didn’t give a fuck.

Now I am
connected to my
pen on this paper
that is a part
(I believe)
to every other cell
in enormous infinite space

It’s easier to smile
forgive, confide, compromise
when I remember
I still believe in something


3 thoughts on “I Believed”

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