I Believed

I believed
in the communion of saints
the forgiveness of sins
and life ever after

at 6
I watched
Pope John Paul II
on CBC
all day enamoured
sure I was safe in the womb
of what he represented

at 11
I became
this first female
alter server in my parish
proud of my accomplishment
until I realized
it was all I would ever be

A servent
to a gender based god
who I now understand
could never know my heart

Love
If you do what they say
exactly without question
forgiveness
for anything over and over
all you have to do is ask

at 12
I became
Disenchanted
priests were just men
who hugged little boys
too tight
who smoked and drank
who compared jesus to star trek
who drove like he didn’t give a fuck.

Now I am
connected to my
pen on this paper
that is a part
(I believe)
to every other cell
in enormous infinite space

It’s easier to smile
forgive, confide, compromise
when I remember
I still believe in something
Me.

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3 thoughts on “I Believed”

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