Creates a habit.
I lost my job a week ago. My accidental career as a professional cook has ensured my options are gaped open and I should already be a couple days into the next job.
I am not at my next job. I am here, in front of my computer watching everyone else’s life and obsessing over my former jobs Instagram account.
How is this my path?
In the past 4 years Kitchen Life has swallowed up every other part of my existence so quick and completely I thought the kitchen girl I had become was me.
I sensed a shift in June when I signed up on a whim to run a 50km trail ultra run. I told everyone who called me crazy “I needed a thing” I didn’t know what that meant then, but now, post-race and post job there is a twitch of understanding.
One thing I know for sure is when my mind is made up I am invincible. Right now I am clearly not clear. I feel like I’m an elephant on a hamster wheel. The cage is small and I know I’m impossibly awkward and huge but the wheel turns in front of me and I can’t help the stagnant forward momentum. My boss busted the cage when she fired me and now I’m here. An elephant outside a busted hamster cage with this stupid wheel in my hand…
so I walk away.
I start down a road I’ve never been before, somewhere other humans might have gone but the path has grown over so now I have a chance to make my own way.
21 days to train for my ultra life.
I will focus on family, writing, creating new recipes, and trail running.
I will stop the unproductive over-analysis of my past, present and future, I will not read books or watch Netflix about how to be happy because that’s how someone else got there. I choose my life. I will fill each day with so much living there won’t be any time for all the shit in my head to loop around to the same stories (re:lies) my unfocused self whispers to me.
Except that it won’t be so easy. I’m sure, as a fact, it’s probably going to suck at times. Maybe I won’t want to run everyday, or my page will remain blank as my rice burns in the pot and I’ll think to myself simply “who am I to be extraordinary?” and that will be it. Over, full stop.
I’m going to start despite the butterflies galloping around in my belly, and I’m going to blog about it. My neighbour and good friend Jess is on a similar path and will blog about her unique experiences with ultra life training at www.naturalcopywritingblog.wordpress.com, my husband is semi-commited as well. Instagram and twitter will be involved also. #ultralife21