The Model

When I made funny faces
and the boys laughed
at me naturally

I thought
they were laughing
with me for so long

When I thought
to show off my ballet skills
to help them understand

my saute they laughed
but I wasn’t making a face

I wasn’t normal
my brain still doesn’t
process what IS
in time with the world

then they told me to move
off the couch
told me I wasn’t worthy

when i bit back
they called me out
as a dog

and then they labeled
me The Model
for not knowing my place
in the backround

i tried to get smaller
but my mouth wouldn’t
listen she was so pissed
but I wasn’t ready yet

words came without confedence
so the bigger
the louder my mouth
became the smaller I felt

honesty,
I’m still fighting this war
against my mouth
for talking before my body

and against my body
for thinking she should
be backround

and so
to breathe

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On Funny

I am not funny
in the moment
when I try to be
I don’t write anything
my funny is accidental

I am too sensitive for funny
so I don’t hear my words
until they’re outside
my head

into your ears
laughter floats
into your mouth
bubbles of funny
pop out to surprise me

refections of your
laugh make me laugh
but
my funny is accidental

The wick

Shattered on the roof
a candle softens the shards
so it’s possible to place them
into posable figurines

She likes the idea
of molding choas
into a soft ball and
shaping impossibly dense
human bodies

Decides to hurd them
into empty armies
helpless with their heads
so full, she smiles

until the wick times out
and Kaboom!
the world is blown apart
with the dark and her hands
shattered up here
on the roof

To come Toe Gather

Through the light in his manic eyes
the confidence of of the going to die
scared by his will to live
we hide our eyes with tears
hide courage in backlit text quotes

a blink of humble through
the distorted bubble where
news hurts in 30 seconds or less

and happiness is more
than my visa can afford
who claimed the work flag?
stole our fingers and free time

credit buys our toes on a beach
with an all inclusive beer
documented for future vindication
because if nobody sees your not really amazing
too safe life
did it really happen?

Bubbles on the Rocks

I thought I would know
after high school on a plane to Calgary
tears hidden inside my bucket hat
further then I’d ever been from friends and family

I thought I would know
when I met folks kinda like me
fuelled my search with beer and cigarettes
just like everyone I leaned on to see

All I really know
as my hair turns grey I get glimpses of me
but she says things I can’t understand
so I sabotage her with bubbles on the rocks

I thought I would know
when I got married
When I had children
a house, a car, two cats
Things that define what it means to be a grown up

All I really know
is some of that is me
and when I listen to the voice
that guides my pen, my feet and my knife
I notice the love I have
for the love in my privileged life

And I’ll take it all
With bubbles on the rocks

Sticky

While I search for the words
I want you to read with
your ears

The coffee beside the computer
steams but that was before.

I drink it anyways
quick gulps of inspiration
as my skin opens
to let me in
attempts to contain
the sweat as it
breaks out again
in sticky uncertainty

My brain voice giggles desperate
guilt and criticism
into my fingers while
my heart voice calls me back
over and over and over
and over again

While I search for the words
I want you to read with
your ears