The Model

When I made funny faces
and the boys laughed
at me naturally

I thought
they were laughing
with me for so long

When I thought
to show off my ballet skills
to help them understand

my saute they laughed
but I wasn’t making a face

I wasn’t normal
my brain still doesn’t
process what IS
in time with the world

then they told me to move
off the couch
told me I wasn’t worthy

when i bit back
they called me out
as a dog

and then they labeled
me The Model
for not knowing my place
in the backround

i tried to get smaller
but my mouth wouldn’t
listen she was so pissed
but I wasn’t ready yet

words came without confedence
so the bigger
the louder my mouth
became the smaller I felt

honesty,
I’m still fighting this war
against my mouth
for talking before my body

and against my body
for thinking she should
be backround

and so
to breathe

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Bubbles on the Rocks

I thought I would know
after high school on a plane to Calgary
tears hidden inside my bucket hat
further then I’d ever been from friends and family

I thought I would know
when I met folks kinda like me
fuelled my search with beer and cigarettes
just like everyone I leaned on to see

All I really know
as my hair turns grey I get glimpses of me
but she says things I can’t understand
so I sabotage her with bubbles on the rocks

I thought I would know
when I got married
When I had children
a house, a car, two cats
Things that define what it means to be a grown up

All I really know
is some of that is me
and when I listen to the voice
that guides my pen, my feet and my knife
I notice the love I have
for the love in my privileged life

And I’ll take it all
With bubbles on the rocks

Still it Shines

This
quiet confident
impossible permission
to change like rubber
busted with a key or a
spindle left to unravel
reveals a simple middle
still it shines

This
campfire bench
breaths joy in
funny things in
hair holding misery
when life hurls vomit bombs
at our family

This
learns to bike
likes it even as the
frame is hurled in anger
goes off map
in watchful abandon
to win laughter

This
is our love

Passion

IMG_3052

Billie Holiday and Bourbon
Sipped as I sway gently

in rhythm with
my knife find
peace everytime
I cook it’s for love.

Carefully chopped
elegant onions
sautéed until
clear like magic.
this moment
the only one
that’s perfect
to add garlic
till it’s fragrant
Splash bourbon for love.

Streched lips
break free into song
Slam into unforgiving
meat makes tender love.

I am all there is
in this kitchen
All this enchanted
bounty has
is me
and I am whole love.

Taste
Stir
Add more
Love
This is a dance
I will choreograph forever.