The Banff Centre

The Banff Centre
(a journal)

My most uninspiring journal
Was also my worst physically
Of course

I knew it wasn’t going to work out
But I wanted the right name on the cover

Lines?!?!?

I hate lines…..
Lines are a fucking institution
And my left hand wastes
At least an inch
Making every prose a shitty poem

She’s matte black
With the date in the upper right hand corner
And an ECO stamp in the lower right hand corner
She says “BANFF” in white (!)
And in red, “centre for arts and creativity”

But the fucking spine unwinds
Like it’s breaking up with me
like
It’s the first time we’ve met
Lost amongst the artist colonies
ugh
fuck you spine

and fuck you Banff
for congregating audiences
that clap for rock and roll
like it’s a birdie in golf

with their pineapple print
dead granny blouses French tucked
into their people free-ing skinny jeans
(like, for real?)

Advertisements

On Funny

I am not funny
in the moment
when I try to be
I don’t write anything
my funny is accidental

I am too sensitive for funny
so I don’t hear my words
until they’re outside
my head

into your ears
laughter floats
into your mouth
bubbles of funny
pop out to surprise me

refections of your
laugh make me laugh
but
my funny is accidental

To be Considered

Who will see me when my skin lets go of my bones?
who will see me when my eyes cloud over while my nose continues to grow?

not that girl
who stands guard
in meek resolve uses that
tone of voice
and the illusion of choice she “asks” me if I’d like
milk or water to help me swallow
and when the pill gets stuck above the lump in my throat

I tell her I’m confused and I don’t feel well.
She pats my back and uses that
tone of voice
that sucks my breath
she tells me she’ll tell someone else and to enjoy this beautiful day.

My body hurts
deeply I am so tired
I never considered my life would or could be like this in the end

We have a humaine society for our pets
but we imprisin our mothers and fathers with our love.

On Forgiveness

We must understand
The need to
demand
support and forgiveness
of ourselves
Before we are able to
give
support and forgiveness

We are not yet able to be
kind
to each other
because we are not yet able to be kind
to ourselves

We must practice
our appreciation and support
for ourselves
And we must practice dutifully
our appreciation and support
for each other

For change to happen
Our daughters, our sisters, our neighbours and their daughters
our mothers and their mothers
must learn how
to forgive themselves
For change to happen

Forgive our inner voices and
all the inner voices
we can’t hear
but assume are unpleasant
because we believe
those negative thoughts
of ourselves

we are due for something better

We need to listen
to words without judgement
we need to lift each other up
by speaking the truth respectfully

and then

We must believe each other
and allow this learning to happen
with support, tolerance,
understanding and forgiveness.

it’s time

Take it

IMG_2453

My job is to
Take it
Fake it
Give them my will
so they can Break it.

I know I’ve made non-choices
as I wait for my life
to happen, I’m a women who still
doesn’t know who to be
when I grow up, but

Why do they go out of their
way to sigh at me dramatically
full of disappointment
before their ass is in the chair?

stretched lips
through clenched teeth
watch entitlement,
hunger, hostility and
expectation I smile
you think, but really?

it’s a smirk
You, Sir, are a total jerk
scream my insides
on the outside? I work
“Have a nice day!”